An Open Letter to My Future Self
Originally posted October 5, 2014
Dear Future Self,
How are you? It’s been a while. In case you don’t remember me, I’m the version of you that still gets to wear jeans to work, drinks a lot of tea, and spends entirely too much time at the library.
I’m the one who thinks about you every day. I wonder who you’re with. If you’re happy. If you’re happier than me. If your life has more meaning than mine does. I wonder if you’re married or if you finally wrote that book.
And I worry about you, future self. I worry about who and what you’ve lost since you were me. I worry about the sadness that has crept into your life. I’m afraid of what dreams we’ve given up on because they seemed too hard.
Future self, let's get right to the point. This isn’t working for me, this preoccupation with someone who, quite frankly, doesn’t exist. My dreams and plans for you are becoming a distraction from this marvelous life that is happening to me right now
And as funny and confident and together as I imagine you to be, you will never be able to exist here in my today. You will always be ten steps ahead of me, and maybe it’s time for me to let you stay there.
Because this moment is where I live. It’s all I have to work with. And it’s all that matters in the end.
Because in Christ each moment is redeemed for a purpose, filled with life and promise. I have been given a million new moments- moments unaffected by past mistakes, unimpressed by past victories, unconcerned with intentions for future improvement. And I’ve spent too many of them making plans for you, future self, instead of living in them.
Worse, I ease my conscience by imaging all the great things you are doing to make the world better, instead of making my own world better. But you can't do anything good for me or anyone else, because you don't live here.
So let me forget about you, future self. I hope you are happy. I hope you are enjoying your moments. I hope you fall in love with people and places and life. I hope you are still surrounded by books, and laughter, and people who make life beautiful. I hope you appreciate them. And I hope you never give me more than a passing thought. I’ll do the same for you.
In the meantime, I’ll inhabit this moment- drinking chai tea and listening to Lecrae too loud. And the next one. And the hundred thousand other moments between me and you.
Sincerely,
(Present) Beth
