The Other

I sat, straight-backed on the hard wooden bench, barely a foot off the ground. In the uneasy moments before the service started, I kept my head down, trying to project the image that I was lost in thought or prayer. But what I was really doing was hiding. 

The church I have been attending the past two months is a local Zambian church down the road from Sakeji. It’s small and simple, with a thatched roof and a congregation that loves to sing. I don’t understand a word that is said or sung unless I have the translation in front of me. It’s a beautiful experience. But it’s also an unsettling one. 

I have spent a lifetime trying (and 99% of the time succeeding) to blend in. It’s not that hard to do. I learn where I am welcome. I stick to those places. I do the things that I am expected to do and say the things that I am expected to say. 

Then I find myself sitting in the back of a church where no one looks like me, where I don’t know the language or the right way to dress or speak or sing or sit. Where I feel completely and entirely other. And I don’t know how to handle it. 

I feel profoundly aware of everything I do. Is too much shoulder showing? Is the material of my skirt too clingy? Do I have the wrong headcovering? Wrong shoes? Wrong voice. Wrong face. Wrong hair. Wrong skin. 

Too much. Not enough. Too loud. Too standoffish. Not right. 

This morning as I started to spiral into self-consciousness, I felt someone looking at me. I looked up and met the eyes of a Zambian woman, about my age, a few rows in front of me. I smiled tentatively and she smiled back. Not a forced, condescending smile, but an I’m happy you are here smile.  

And that is all it took to feel like I might have a place here after all. 

I’ve been thinking about this interaction all day. And I wonder how many times I have been in a position to welcome the other and missed it. Because I thought someone else would. Because I wasn’t sure if I would say the right thing. Because I was wrapped up in Us and Our and We, and didn’t even notice the They feeling silently judged and unwelcome.

We have witnessed in the past week a level of polarization unlike any I have seen in my lifetime. The Us and Them rhetoric is overwhelming. Now more than ever we need to open our eyes to the others that are in our midst. We need to be intentional in opening our hearts and minds to love those we don’t naturally gravitate towards. Maybe even to those who offend or scare us. 

Even more than that, we need to go to places and events where we will be the other. Where people don’t look or act or speak or believe like us. Now is not the time to insulate ourselves more tightly into our comfortable circles and echo chambers. It’s a time to be uncomfortable. To lean into the discomfort because that is the only way that we will learn to truly empathize. 

Be brave today. Listen. Show up. Be kind. Be honest. Be humble. 

Luke 10:25-37