5 Ways to Support Your Single Friends When You Aren't Single

It's hard to write about being single without it feeling a little like crafting a slightly too vulnerable dating profile. So I'll get that out of the way first: This is not advertising anything! But I recognize that I am not the only one who may feel left out in a world that can seem sometimes like it was built for couples. Couples who might care a lot about us, but who don't always know how to show it.

So while I'm thinking of my friends who are single, this one is really for the awesome couples who just aren't quite sure how to handle a still-single (or single again) friend. 

If you are happily coupled, here are a few tips to keep your friendships with other people at every stage of life strong and healthy. 

1. Keep inviting us to do things with you. The downside to the freedom of being unattached is that sometimes not having a guaranteed person to make plans with creates an intense feeling of being on your own. Being on your own can feel empowering or crushingly lonely depending on your frame of mind at the time. Single or coupled, we all want to feel included. So even if we keep saying no or being too busy, keep inviting us into your life.   

2. Avoid making us feel like a burden for making your numbers uneven. It may feel like a joke, and we will probably laugh along, but we really don't want to always feel like the 3rd or 5th or 7th wheel. We love when you spend time with us one on one. We also love being included in your group. But there is a big difference between a group and a collection of couples and we can immediately tell which one we've stepped into. Pick activities and conversations that bring people in, instead of shutting them out. 

3. Invite multiple single friends (and no, not just one other single friend who, oh, you haven’t met?). If you can't invite more than one single friend, do NOT use that as a reason not to invite us at all. But if you don't have more than one friend who is single, you might need to reflect on why that is. If you only spend your time with other couples, you are isolating yourself from so many charming, wise, funny, and interesting people who just happen not to have a significant other right now. 

4. Be aware of how you and your significant other act around your single friend. Notice your friend’s body language. Does she look away and get quiet when you and your SO are getting cuddly? It’s hard to be single. It's hard not to think about what we are missing out on. Sometimes witnessing your casual intimacy makes us feel like you would like it better if we just left. 

5. Ask us how we are doing. It seems so simple, but we can get used to projecting an image of being perfectly content. And in many ways we are content. But we struggle like everyone else. We need people who are invested enough to ask how we're doing- spiritually, emotionally, physically. Just ask. Even if the answer is usually, "I'm doing great!" Sometimes that won't be the answer. So ask.